Mya’s blog

The Ego is many things, but it is not who you are. We are plagued with an amnesia of the soul. The ego is needed and serves a vital purpose and is needed for survival. My ego kept me safe and built a fortress so that I would not incur anymore psychological or emotional injury. The issue is that the ego took over and does not function anymore in a productive way. It instead limits growth. It controls, compares, closes off self from engaging in meaningful ways with others. It is skeptical and critical and is always on the defense.

The Ego is like 80’s bangs that once served a purpose by attracting a suitor, and gave a sense of unique expression. Sometimes people cling to what once worked for them and have a hard time finding and accepting new expressions.

The Ego is injured. It is the ego that suffers, the ego that harms, the ego that is selfish, competitive, controlling and restricted.

The healed ego is authentic self and knows how to serve you best, as your  helpful assistant and advocate, it’s your instinct and talent, it’s protective and loyal to the spirit. When the order of our being is in alignment it is the spirit that sees, observes and illuminates the intellect and guides the authentic self to purpose and action. The ego can be injured, The spirit can not be harmed but it can be disconnected. When we speak of being authentic we are describing an ego that is healed and is connected to the God that dwells within– Atma.  We are God manifested. God contains you, but you do not contain all of God. All is possible because of the expansiveness of God, it is illumination through us that blasts through any perceived limitation. Our ego is limited, our spirit is not. This is what it means to live in the higher nature of self. 

Depression is when we dwell in the lower nature of the self which is below the reach of the higher self.  It occurred to me that my suffering came from my ego. I was unaware that the chatter in my mind was not me, but my ego. I suffered from a collapsed spirit. Ego took up post in my thoughts, the problem with this is that my intellect was driven by my ego which dictated the direction of my life. Ego can imitate but it is a far cry from the wholeness one gains from living from spirit and devotion. My ego gave the sense that I lived in my head and my body just a machine, I could not get a sense for God or the feeling of connectedness in life and I was often troubled by suicidal thoughts, depression, and low self-worth.

You see Ego has a limited understanding of how to operate the mind, body and soul it can manage basic operations but it has little understanding of what the rest of the vessel can do. Due to this negligence we suffer greatly. It is not bad, it is misguided and trying to do it’s best and does not know how to ask for help. Some of the issues it creates are rigidity within the body, inflexibility in emotions or stuck emotions, black and white thinking, constant comparison, critique and paralyzed will.

We find ourselves to be superior or inferior to those around us. I have uncovered that most of the time I am experiencing suicidal thinking it is directly related to my ego feeling inferior because of embarrassment, shame or overall inferiority to a problem at hand. Once again the Ego does not know how to withstand pain so it defaults to self-destruct mode. The Ego sees a big problem and with its tunnel vision it determines there is no way out and therefore death (not only in the physical sense but in an emotional and spiritual sense as well) is the only way to escape the debilitating pain. 

It is said in some circles to look for the similarities instead of the differences. We all are a part of the problem. One thing we all have in common is ignorance. We all suffer greatly from the plague of ignorance, regardless of creed, color, religion, status or ethnicity; You are ignorant. Your life and the experiences of that life have left the residue of bias to shape and guide your judgement. To believe that your viewpoint makes up the whole truth is a sign of an adolescent consciousness. Ignorance is dismissing information or knowledge that isn’t within experience of the individual. What you see is your truth, but not the whole truth.

There is an old story about a boy and his grandfather watching goldfish swim in a pond the Grandfather says, “how many goldfish are there?”  His grandson answers, “twelve”  the Grandfather then asks,”How many worlds?” The Grandson puzzled responds, “One?” To which his grandfather corrects, “No. There are 12.”  In 2018 there were 7,594,270,356 people on earth, that means that there are over seven and a half billion versions of one world. One person can never contain the entire truth of existence.

A nasty side effect of ignorance is that it is a restraint upon intellectual advancement. How ego sensitive and defensive we have become as a species. We are completely intolerant to any form of discontent, discomfort, dis-ease. A person might say “I don’t like how it feels to be wrong…Aha! I have found a solution, I am never wrong. ” It is so easy to support ignorant thinking, being open to see another’s point of view is extremely hard. Finding common ground even though it is  uncomfortable is what will change this world. We don’t need one person to be “right” because it is impossible to be “right” if it creates a division. Truth is not singular and it cannot be divided, truth is whole. Right can only ever be truth if it unifies. Unity comes from empathy, compassion, listening and understanding. From the words of The Living Gita, it is written, to understand we must stand under. It does not say stand over, assert dominance, disregard inconvenient truths, judge one another, beat down the opponent, argue until submission. We are all so ego sensitive. Ego and ignorance will bring humanity to its knees and we are all guilty of our own ignorance. I can not liberate you of your own ignorance, but I can awaken from mine. 

We as humans have evolved because of our incredible brain power. Our brains are so complex that we must birth our young before reaching full brain development because if not it would take up to 25 years of being in utero to be born with a fully developed brain. I find it ironic that it is because of our capacity for intelligence that we were able to advance as a species. We put our collective intelligence together to create the world as we know it. It is also because of this collective intellectual ignorance that will cause the fall of mankind. The isolating power of ignorance. Our intelligence brought with it the ability to think and choose. Now it is our intelligence that has allowed us the opportunity to choose ignorance. Ignorance is what will kill the smartest species on Earth. Human Beings– So smart that we are stupid.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

Albert Einstein

Ignorance is the only sin. We are all ignorant in our own way. Why? Ignorance is bliss. Awareness of the suffering of ourselves and others is uncomfortable, terrifying and overwhelming. So we retreat to ignorance to protect us from truth. Hiding in the safety of our own bias. 

There are many ways that we are collectively contributing to the fall of mankind. We are all ignorant in one way or another. Whether it is regarding physical health of the people, the environment, spiritual, religious and cultural extinction, colonization of indigenous people, missing and murdered indigenous woman, social trauma, genocide,poverty, water and food shortages, global warming, disease, wage gaps, gender inequality, LBGTQI+ rights, race, privilege, social injustice, militarization of police force, criminalization, institutionalization, untreated PTSD due to stigma among law enforcement and first responders,corruption and greed, fake news, fear mongering by press and government, rising suicide rates, declining life expectancy etc. Of course these are not all of the problems facing mankind, because I too am ignorant, I don’t know. We need everyone with lived experience to be a part of the conversation. No discussions about us, without us. In the day of information we are most likely the most misinformed in all of history. We need the perspective of everyone to solve the problem. First we must stand under and listen. Don’t take it personally if you don’t agree dont focus on why you don’t agree, instead validate, empathize and steer the conversation towards talking about how we can start meeting the needs of life on Earth.

“Instead of putting others in their place, put yourself in their place.”

Amish Proverb

Another similarity that we all have in common is that we all want to be happy. We all want happiness because of our predisposition to suffering. To be human is to know suffering. There is not one person who does not know suffering in one form or another. It is simple; to return to peace in the world we must find it first within ourselves. How? By practicing compassion, kindness and forgiveness these are the keys to peace and happiness. That’s it. It is that simple. Compassion is an endangered component of human nature, if we fail to resurrect compassion, then we are endangering humanity and with it mankind.

Penicillin was discovered by a lab technician, Alexander Fleming, who returned from a two-week vacation to find that a mold had developed on an accidentally contaminated staphylococcus culture plate. Upon examination of the mold, he noticed that the culture prevented the growth of staphylococci. Nature cured aberrant nature; human nature must cure the aberrant aspects of human nature. Just like penicillin the cure is simple and overlooked. Compassion is the penicillin of our time.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

Dalai Lama

In conclusion, check your ignorance. Where are your blind spots? If it makes you uncomfortable or defensive then it is a good indicator of an area in your life that requires the application of compassion, kindness or forgiveness.

The universal pause may have some of us in a state of distress and maybe not for the reasons we think. It may have some us asking ourselves, “Why now?” The answer is simple. This my sweet, is a divine fault line, the birthquake that is shaking things a part to make way for the rebirth. Creation is birthed from destruction. This time of harsh reality is bringing to the surface the underlying issues in our lives. The faults in our own foundations. This shift is painful and the universe is taking this opportunity to be blunt a little more severe than usual. We must allow the process of destruction to bring us to our purpose and transformation of ourselves much quicker than if we were to arrive in our own time. In an attempt to help you on your current path I will share with you 4 Keys to return to peace, these come from the written works of the Yoga Sutras and can have a powerful impact on our lives.

1. Compassion

It’s a buzzword these days, however it is a powerful tool to carve upon the marble of self, transforming the sculptor into the divine creation of God extended. Compassion is a simple practice. Imagine that for a moment your higher power is looking through your eyes. In that moment what does your higher power see? The truth is- everyone, believe or not, is doing the best that they can with the level of mastery of self they currently have. There is a spirit that suffers even within the lowest of man. If we can see people through the eyes of compassion we no longer hold the responsibility to fix them. Compassion is a wide open space, judgement is a container.

2. Kindness

Kindness is the doing part of compassion. It’s when we can see ourselves in every person we meet. It’s reserving judgemental thoughts or conversations about others with others. Gossip is a good example of when we are not practicing kindness for another. I love the principle of Right Speech stemming from the Bhudhist tradition, before saying anything ask yourself- is it kind? Is it truthful? Is it necessary? We don’t always have to speak our minds especially if our mind is not being fueled by the nature of the spirit but that of the ego. A great practice of being kind to others is by being kind to yourself first. Check thyself before you wreck thyself.

3. Gladness

Gladness in this sense is about earnest gratitude. Instead of focusing on what is wrong and not meeting your expectations, bring your full attention to find what is right, what is beautiful in your life. When I find myself running the list of all the things my husband doesn’t do, the first thing I need to do is stop this trend of thinking as quickly as possible, because it does nothing but wreak havoc on my inner peace and my relationship. I recognize that my expectations are my responsibility. If a need of mine is not being met because of my standards then I can provide for myself and take care of my own needs. Then I think of all the incredible things that my husband does do, how he contributes to my life and then I can truly be in a state of gladness for the socks on the floor next to the hamper.

4. Indifference

Resentment comes from our own attachment to an outcome. We get swept away by the emotional currents of others. We are attached to every word or action of another and feel it is our right to be offended. Finding offense is a sure path to misery. We don’t have to be wounded by every comment to take the words of another personally, it’s a choice to be a target. A great friend and Therapist one day asked me, “Can you remove the target?” Aha! Indifference is removing the target. “Well they hurt my feelings.” Okay, sure we can be hurt by others but what we do once it enters our inner world is up to us how we proceed with it. Can we allow it to be something that foster’s growth not anger? If I find that I have a response to someone or something- it’s worth investigation. It is generally a large flashing sign that is pointing me to an area of myself that needs desperately to be acknowledged. Most of the time if I’m bothered by someone it’s about me, not them. Everyone is our teacher, thank everyone for the lesson they have taught you and move on. Indifference is also allowing others to learn their own lessons. Quit being the lifeguard in other people’s lives. Your rescuing does not help them, it just kicks their problems down the road for them to come across again and again. Quit interfering.

Be compassionate, be indifferent to another’s suffering knowing that the kindest thing you can do is allow a person to be transformed by their own misery and be glad that you have the knowledge and ability to carve, mold yourself and live a life of your own design. Gladness in awareness that all of your suffering comes from attachments, usually tied by your own hand. It’s your rope, untie it. Isn’t it glorious that you can free yourself for you are both the captor and captive, the sculptor and the marble. transformation is yours if you are willing to be honest with yourself, the truth does set you free. Don’t worry spiritual transformation never ends in punishment. Allow this temporary discomfort it is what transforms you.

Physical Wellbeing is affected by physical activity, health, nutrition and adequate sleep. There are many examples of physical activity that range from light to vigorous. Some activities include yoga, bike riding, walking, jump rope, swimming, gardening, hiking, dancing. Physical wellbeing is also related to the core essentials of basic human need. This dimension of happiness is beyond the physical body and if the primal needs of the physical self are not met the ability to thrive is unlikely . The core essentials of human life are, water, food, and connection to others.  

In this post we will explore some of the underlying conditions and blocks that prevent a person from commiting to and/or maintaining happiness of the physical self. We will learn how to work with the Elements to expedite healing.  Learn about the energy centers of each aspect of the self, also known as the chakras as well we will also discover other indigenous and ancient wisdoms that have the ability to not only transform your suffering into wellness but integrate self into the whole being you were born to be. I will share with you personal stories of my own transformative journey from depression, dissociation, anxiety and emotional dysregulation to self-actualization and awakening. This information is from my own experience of suffering everything that is here has been put to the test by myself and in my own life has been proven effective to not only help me heal old wounds, but to advance myself to fulfillment. My passion is healing, more importantly my passion is to provide knowledge of how you can heal yourself.  Let’s talk physical happiness…

My Story of Physical Suffering

So many times I mustered up the courage to embarked on a  journey called weightloss. From P90X, 21 Day Fix, Atkins, Keto, Intermittent Fasting etc. Dieting and exercising was a way of life for me, but it was never consistent. I lived a life of being in the, “in between”, either I was coming off of a diet or getting ready to start one, exercise programs were much the same. It was the all or nothing approach, working out 5-6 times per week, no carbs, no sugar. Once I started to see results life would inevitably throw a curveball. My response– immediately drop routine and anything else that was working so that I could catch my stress. Always a full participant in chaos. The results? Total decompensation of strides made. Weight quickly making a triumphant return, leaving me feeling defeated and worthless. 

Time after time living out the same weightloss fate.  Eventually a recognizable pattern emerged. Day 1- Declare, “Today I am quitting smoking and losing 10 lbs!” Getting through the first day by force, a strong constitution and constant google searches of dramatic before and after pictures. As this day repeated my will and determination deflated the day I would find myself parked in front of a pizza box with a pack of cigarettes ready to go was somehow inevitably slated. It became evident that I was trying to change too much in too little time.  It dawned on me that I failed in the past because I jumped into a lifestyle that I had never developed the necessary skills to maintain.

I changed my approach by making smaller changes, building skills and ability over time, this is what it means to build competence. Two years ago I started by working out once a week, that was it. I worked out once per week for several months and I noticed that after 3 months or so of working out once per week I could miss a week and without thinking I would go back to it, because I developed the skills of wellness, physical wellness was introduced and learned until it became a part of my lifestyle, my work-out routine was slated and scheduled, a part of my week, a part of my life, it felt as natural as a cup of coffee in the morning. From that point on I have slowly and steadily built in a daily workout routine over the course of the last two years. At this point in my life I work out almost every day, missing days due to injury or sickness the difference is now I always go back to it with ease and desire.  I have lost some weight somehow now that’s not the focal point. What’s important now? My health, sense of confidence, and having a connection to my body. I honestly can say that I love my body and myself. 

In the beginning keep it simple, choose one area of your life to change and slowly build competence towards this change, once you discover the new rhythm and it becomes effortless then add another thing to tackle. Slow and steady consistency is what makes the largest difference in the end. 

Earth

“Mother Earth knows us by our footsteps. She knows where we’ve been and knows where we are going.” -Native proverb

As we develop, we develop from the ground up. Most of us learned to roll, crawl and then walk in our early development. Other than our human Mothers, Mother Earth is our lifelong Mother that provides for us all from birth to death.  We refer to the earth as a fixed place that we try to bring ourselves back to in order to gain security again. Loud Sudden noises-we hit the ground,When we are in need of change- we use the sturdiness of the earth to push our feet into the ground to gain leverage to run, to move, to change direction, when we are lost it is the Earth and landmarks that tell us where we have been and where we are going. We are deeply connected to the earth. We all originated from stardust, Carbon and water, every living organism is of the same matter, a plant vs. a human the made of the same elements just have a different arrangement. Mother Earth protects us from harmful UV rays and uses every bit of calamity to her advantage to provide life to us all. Every storm has a purpose, things that occur in nature on one side of the world benefit living organisms on the other side of the world. If Mother Earth knows anything she knows how to keep things in harmony even down to the air we breath, 21 percent of our air is oxygen, the level of  oxygen in the Earth’s atmosphere is balanced and regulated by Earth if there is too much we die, if there is not enough we die. The Earth truly is a marvel and every living organism on this planet is interconnected. We are living and breathing and so is our planet. our physical and mental wellbeing is connected to the wellbeing of this planet. The Earth is the element of physical happiness because just like the earth our body’s are incredibly complex systems, muscles, bones tissue, organs, nervous system our brains, all working together in harmony, regulating and keeping us alive, when we are not in harmony with our body, we may experience a myriad of illnesses. The way towards healing is within us all. We are all made up from the same matter, every aspect of life matters. If we destroy ourselves, we are destroying Earth, we are destroying our nature and with it the Mother. 

Root

The Root Chakra is located at the base of the spine, the perineum, the coccygeal plexus, including our feet and legs. A Root depicts our connection to the ground to the nurturing force of  Mother Earth. It is what connects us to our outside world. It is our stability, survival and is what determines wellness in the areas of family, Home, health, financial stability and nourishment. Due to events in a person’s lifetime or the accumulative effect of stress A person might suffer from an overactive or underactive chakra.  When Trauma occurs, our physical bodies endure trauma first. Trauma is a Root chakra problem. When trauma occurs it happens to the physical body first which then impacts the function of other systems such as the nervous system and the brain. It is an internal chain reaction where in which the person’s quality of life is severely diminished. The chain reaction not only affects a person physically, emotionally and cognitively it is destructive and incapacitating other areas of life such as social,environmental, financial, occupational and spiritual. Life is affected from the ground up.

The root takes hold of the environment it is in and with that grasp launches life itself. The  Root chakra must be a priority in our approach to healing. If we do not acknowledge the health of the physical body and it’s systems we do ourselves a great disservice and healing will continue to be an illusive,  intangible thing and largely unknown to the seeker. If the root is not healthy it doesn’t support life and eventually succumbs to it’s environment rather than enriching it therefore thriving in it.

As we navigate our healing we will discover that everything is connected. My physical well-being is connected to my emotional well-being and my emotional well-being is connected to my social well-being which is connected to my mental well-being which connects me to spiritual well-being. Happiness is the wellness of entirety.

Rootbound

When I think of fear, I think of myself being covered in tight, tangled, immobilizing snake like roots. I feel rootbound. Helpless. We all experience fear. It is necessary for survival to have a healthy amount of fear, it tells us to stay away from dangerous things, it is fight, flight, or freeze. We can not live without fear, however fear can become the thing that keeps us from living. When fear becomes pervasive, it shows up in the form of anxiety and panic we are no longer in control of fear and are at the mercy and whimsey of terror. 

Anxiety tricks us to be afraid of action. I can not tell you how many times I sat on my couch paralyzed by inaction and the fear of choices. I was tormented with not knowing how to begin, perseverating on whether or not I should do the dishes or the laundry first. Hours would go by, unable to make a choice, or driving to the store only to circle the parking lot a few times to retreat home to safety, because the act of shopping would have presented too many variables to deal with.  Laundry piles up, mail goes unopened, avoidance of life. Life not lived. 

Anxiety presents itself in a very physical way, most people who suffer from anxiety will tell you that it is physically uncomfortable, pressure in the chest, heaviness, racing heart, sweaty palms, for myself an extreme episode of anxiety would render me vomiting.  As I come to explore and get to know myself and the full spectrum of my emotional responses it has occured to me that often the way a symptom presents itself is usually telling of how to manage it. Anxiety presents in a very physical way, therefore we must manage it in a physical way. As we reveal anxiety’s true nature it is pretty simple to understand. Whatever the reason, anxiety or fear are present because of perceived threat, our response to a situation internal or external is based off of our own evaluation of safety or risk. Should we determine that our lives are at risk our bodies are programmed to respond in a certain way. Increased heart rate preparing you to run, sweating to cool your body from the major exertion of energy about to take place etc. The problem is, we hardly ever use this response the way it was designed. So instead we hyperventilate, our hearts race, palms are sweaty, we may experience discomfort in the chest and instead of utilizing the adrenaline running like a team of horses throughout our body to provide life saving energy, we vomit instead. The alarm goes off but we don’t have the code to shut it down–until now. It’s really quite simple, your body is the key. Your body simply needs reassurance and requires you to do something life affirming to override the system.

What does that mean? It means move your body in a way that communicates that life is good, dancing,yoga, tai chi, simply breathing deeply and moving in a synchronized way. This communicates to the body and the brain that there is nothing to fear. Our ancestors generally did not dance if a tiger was chasing them, they ran.

Sometimes I imagine the fear response to be more like an inquiry, “Hey man, I just heard a noise, is everything okay?” Except we never answer the question, so this only makes it worse. Our body continues to ask until it’s screaming and searching for your proverbial lifeless body on the side of the road. Just answer your body next time. When you have a  physical sensation of fear, respond with a physical answer, something that communicates safety. ” Hey man, I’m totally okay. False alarm.” Take a full inhale through the nose, exhale completely, repeat, check in with the five senses, put on your favorite song and dance. Literally shake it off.

  Fear is either the agitator in our lives or the catalyst for new expansion and growth. Your fear is not frightening, it is something frightened. Take fear by the hand, reassure it, comfort it and send it unconditional love.

Dedicate Yourself to Wellness

We must be dedicated to the practice of wellness through self-care. We don’t have to work-out around the clock to love ourselves but we do need to have a daily practice of mind-body connection, intentional breathing, meditation, light stretching, nutritious intake of food and water, sleep etc. We don’t even have to do all of those things at once to start, we must simply start. Start with something simple, practical and accessible. slowly build a routine of wellness. When my dedication begins to slip there is a noticeable change in how I am feeling and coping, I heard once to “Trace it back” to trace back to the last time I felt well and see if there is anything I am either doing or not doing since then once the break in the chain is discovered, I repair it. Usually for me it is something very simple like getting 8 hours of sleep.

Sleep is tantamount to feeling well. When I stay up late and do not sleep well, the following day my symptoms are more pronounced and my ability to utilize coping skills is strained. Now when I lose sleep the following day I am very gentle with myself and I adjust accordingly by planning a quiet evening at home practicing some form of self-care and my only priority is sleeping a full 8 hours. Basically it is pretty simple. Pick one thing to do each day and do it. You do not have to work out an hour per day to reap the benefits you can simply pick a small thing like a Warrior I pose with a breathing technique and do that a few times per day and get the same benefits. We overcomplicate things especially when it comes to our physical happiness the truth is most of the time our healing is simple, generally one consistent action taken over and over. Happiness is a ritual it doesn’t matter what you do, keep it simple, often and accessible.

 

Ahimsa-Nonviolence

Ahimsa simply means to do no harm, or compassion for all living things. The physical aspect of yoga is in the Asanas (body postures) which means staying or abiding. Ahimsa a Yama a yoga ethic from the 8 limbs pathway to enlightenment. Ahimsa is a practice for our whole being when we do no harm to our physical body we honor our limits and don’t push past the point of control arriving at injury. This is also adopting the practice for our spirit, doing no harm with our words and thoughts.  Ahimsa is the very first step in Ashtanga or the 8 limbs, which is a step by step guide to enlightenment. The belief is that if you ignore Ahimsa you can not proceed on your journey, because everything must first stem from the principle of nonviolence. If you are not willing to practice nonviolence or compassion then you will never be able to achieve enlightenment. Now most of us may not be working towards Buddha status, but there is wisdom in compassion and if consistently practiced it will change your life. 

The idea of Ahimsa is applicable to all aspects of living, in our environments, social circles, nutrition. Nonviolence in every way with every sense.  Practicing Ahimsa in the form of self-love has been an empowering experience. I think most of us are not aware of the thoughts we let fly like daggers, little injurious, penetrating daggers that thrash and slash our self-esteem and value.  I was so unmerciful towards myself and half the time did not realize the daily self-flogging that I endured. One day I decided to start watching my thoughts and to modify my thinking by supplementing with positive self talk. At first it was alarming how my default thinking was so negative, harmful and shaming. At first I simply asked myself when a thought popped up, “Is this thought helpful or harmful?” If determined to be harmful the next task would be to modify the thought to one of a helpful nature. If I was thinking “you look fat in your swimsuit.” I would modify this thought to, “ You are in a swimsuit and you are loving your body today by taking it for a swim.” The more I practiced this my self-talk became more cheer-leader like, positive, confident and even daring, because of this shift in thinking I have gone on to tackle so many aspects of my life that due to self-shame and fear I did not have the courage to tackle.

Ahimsa in my thinking has radically changed my life. Not only do I wear swim-suits freely in a crowd of people, I command attention in a room, I go where I want to go and I do what I want to do, I am unstoppable the “cheerleader” is now a BOSS, I feel like if my inner dialogue had a persona she would be a mixture of Ruth Bader Gingsberg and Beyonce–She is kind of the shit.  I am doing things that I never thought I would or could do. The only thing that changed was the way I spoke to myself.

Take Happiness Off The Shelf

My physical body said so much about what I couldn’t communicate to the world. It was a physical barrier that I had created out of need for safety. Connections to others did not always produce positive results. My size and shear fear of judgement and ridicule of others kept me from participating in most physical activities. I honestly felt as if my physical presence was offensive. Intuitively I knew that exercise would help me to feel differently however in order to walk through the doors of any fitness establishment I thought I needed to overcome some obstacles beforehand like losing 20 pounds first, or being able to do a work-out without throwing up. This reasoning generally prevented me from  walking into a gym with the intention to exercise with others. I spent more money on work out clothes or clothes for that matter during this time in my life. I always had an idea in my head that I could cover up my shame with the perfect fitting jeans and shirt, the perfect outfit would solve it all. Somehow it was never enough for me to feel good about myself? Shocking, I’m sure. I had images of myself in my head, thin, frolicking in the fields, laughing etc. I was happy in these daydreams. I thought at that time that I was happy and frolicking because I was thin. Happy and frolicking reserved, placed on a shelf labeled “When I am thin.” Funny, yoga class was also on that shelf. I placed so many things on the shelf, truly believing that in order to achieve them I must be thin.

Well I don’t want to spoil the ending, but I had it backwards. You have to frolic in the fields and laugh first and then you receive happiness, when you are happy you generally take better care of yourself and whether you lose weight or not is not the main focus, living life fully is. Take those things that you have placed on the shelf off and do them now. Take that dance class, go swimming, do yoga.   

It is vital that you radically accept yourself as you are currently. This self-approval is critical before you can embark on any journey of transformation.  Accepting and loving yourself in any shape or form all starts with how you communicate to your body.

Begin by changing the language of a body of deficit to a body of strength. How often do you berate the image of your body? Avoid well lit dressing rooms or full length mirrors? Are you  ashamed and afraid of what you might encounter? Staring directly into the abyss of cellulite an act that we all know could prove to be fatal. We fear embracing our jiggly parts thinking like a stray cat if we show it kindness it will never leave.

Truthfully fat is fear. It is rapidly produced by anxiety, shame and avoidance. Our midsections expand in direct proportion to the size of our fear.  This applies to those of us who have the opposite problem some of us attempt to shrink. The goal of poor body image is the same for us all. invisibility. to be overlooked by fear, believing that wasting away to obscurity is necessary for survival.

What if rather than condemn, we receive, offer approval? Seeing our bodies in the light of the true miracle that they are. While you condemn, berate and detest your body, your body loves you. Think about how it shows up every day laden with weight or insufficient nutrition, it is resourceful and works around the clock without any pay. When we acknowledge what our body actually does for us instead of what it doesn’t do we open a door to self-love. Give your body a raise by taking it outside, fill those lungs with air, have a nice stretch and wash it out with some water. That is an act of self-love. That is how we begin our transformation. 

Speak to yourself and your body as if it is most precious and beloved. Instead of saying, “Ugh. My shoulder is killing me,” Say, “I am so thankful for my body and what it does for me so I am going to go ice my shoulder to say thank you.” Don’t worry if at first it feels phony. It is a practice and takes time to change thinking patterns.  simply commit to observing your negative self-talk and change it when you notice it. It’s also helpful at first to label judgemental thoughts by saying, “I just had a negative thought about myself.” If anything changed the course of my healing and life the most it was changing the way I spoke to myself. All relationships thrive with good communication.  

Practicing Ahimsa has guided me to a better relationship with myself and the body that I inhabit. My body is now. My body at any given time is an astonishing vehicle for healing in every capacity, it can be used as a tool to overcome suffering from trauma to both body and spirit. My first Yoga class I attended I went expecting to elevate my heart-rate, what I did not expect was for it to elevate my soul.  It is written in the book The Living Gita, Chapter 15, verse 9 The ,ears, eyes, nose, sense of taste and touch, and even the mind come to life only by God’s presence. Thus, it is God who actually experiences and enjoys the sense objects. The definition of God is many things to many people, for me God is now, in this moment, God is the peace that I feel when I am practicing compassion for myself and others, God is in the sunset, a crisp fall morning, the dew on the grass, the taste of coffee, the comfort of a warm bowl of soup, God is within my own body, with every heart-beat or wondrous inhale.  God is in the senses.

Hence why the skill of using our senses is so transformative, we use our body and it’s senses to connect us to the spirit of higher self. This is the idea of the personal god that an essence of God lives within us all. I prefer to call this essence the divine.  If we are not loving our body we are not loving the essence that inhabits us all. If we are avoiding the senses is it no wonder that we feel completely and utterly lost to ourselves?  

Ahimsa in a way is an invitation to experience your true nature  in the moment. We must honor our physical body, stretch it, move it and nourish it.  do no harm to your senses, be vigilant of what you are smelling, hearing , tasting, feeling etc.  As I practice Ahimsa I am ever changing in my preferences. I find that I gravitate towards music that is uplifting, soft and gentle, I do not spend hours watching television anymore, I enjoy a clean environment and I love to smell fresh ingredients in my food. The most soothing and amazing place for me to be now is in nature. In nature every sense is full of delight. To do anything else now feels like I am doing harm to myself. If my environment is unkempt, if I watch hours of negative programming,  even if I eat too much, I am hurting myself. The first home is the body it communicates needed information to us through our senses, do no harm to the messenger. Your body is sacredly linked to your soul, both can be wounded, both can heal. Use the body to access yourself. Begin a conversation of honoring and safety through movement. To address the physical needs of the body is the root and foundation of all healing.

An Offering to You

Notice when a negative emotion comes over you. How do you usually experience this emotion? Do you numb it, fight it, attempt to escape it? Is it possible to remain tuned in to your  body and experience the sensation of the emotion, instead of disconnecting self from feeling the body, observe how your body feels in the moment saying to self, “I am present, I am connected to my body. This feeling will end, It always does.” Begin to press your feet into the ground if you are sitting inhaling pressing feet into the earth, exhale release the tension, repeat until you notice a sense of calm come over you, if you are standing begin to inhale and exhale as you lift your heels off of the ground coming up onto your toes, inhaling and exhaling, rising and lowering.  Now that you are connected to your physical body notice your surroundings with your senses, sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing. Notice what it feels like to have experienced the entire cycle of the emotion, the beginning, the middle, and the end. Write down your observations.

I for one am not ready to go back to the lifestyle that we all were used to living. As the entire circadian rythym of life has come to a sudden shift, it has occurred to me to ask the question, Who came up with the order and schedule of our lives? When was it decided that the majority of our time should be spent in the workplace? I find myself pondering these things that for so long we have just accepted as fact, inherent rule. Why?

Is it really benefiting us anymore? Is it required anymore? There’s just so many things we need to look at and maybe start a conversation amongst ourselves, we, the people.

We need to discuss this while it is happening. What has been taking place at a national level, let alone maybe a global level, but in particular for America? We are living in a period of time that the majority of the people don’t live well. They spend most of their time at work to try to bring enough income into the household to support a family, both parents working. Minimum wage does not support minimum living and if that isn’t even enough, we’ve gotten into a holding pattern with debt. People are going into debt so they can try to get to a place where they can afford a lifestyle that isn’t meager and demeaning, most of us never achieving what it is to live, we scrape by and hope we can figure out how to send our kids to college. Who decided this? Did the American people decide this? I believe that only a select few of the population actually benefit from this system that we all live in, I am seriously beginning to question the systems of our lives.

We have forgotten the order. Systems are to support people, people are now supporting systems. Humanity as a whole needs a leader, divorced of all systems to make decisions for humanity as a whole who is not governed by big corporations, agendas, politics or religion. Make no mistake we need order as a civilization, but we need leadership and order that is there for the good and wellbeing of the people. A leader that is concerned for the health of the whole and values life in every sense of the word. As it is now, money rules what is good for the people. Anyone else see a problem with this? I think it’s time for a change.

People are the collective that make up the wealth and wellbeing of the country. If people are not happy the entire world will be affected. The Dalai Lama said, happiness is the one thing we all have in common we all want to be happy and yet most of us cannot grasp it. No system can sustain happiness for the individual, but our system can and must support it. We as a people have the right to pursue happiness. The concept of happiness can be vague and somehow we all suffered the “pursuit” of it. We have the right to pursue it as it is written in the constitution of America. We must put wellness above all else. Happiness is the real generator of wealth, power, success and ultimate peace. You were meant for happiness. You were not only meant for the pursuit of it, but to inhabit it.

I am a person with a lived experience of mental health challenges who has struggled from the effects of depression and anxiety, mostly related to trauma. I have worked really hard to come to a place in my life where I have found healing. During the time of greatest pain and suffering in my life–Suicidal thoughts daily, feeling as if my consciousness was completely separated from my body I was desperate for healing. I went through the system for help. Great people of the system helped me, the system itself was not what helped me. There were people along the way that went above and beyond to help and support me. I will be forever grateful to those people for their kindness. We have to move away from the notion that there is a one-size fits all approach to healing. There is healing that occurs beyond the 4 walls of an institution, it occurs within the individual and happiness is the radiation of a healed soul. This part of the healing journey came in the form of indigenous and ancient healing methods like sweat lodges and yoga. I’ve sat in circles and not only did I find healing, I found something far greater I found myself. True happiness and healing is in the discovery of yourself. So you see 4 walls did not deliver me into myself, circles did and the connection I found with the people who shared my circle did. It’s not the pursuit that brings happiness it’s the discovery. We all have the right to discover who we are. In any form, on any road that we choose. Happiness can never be prescribed.

My healing came in ways that wouldn’t necessarily be legitimized by professionals and wouldn’t meet the criteria to be paid for by medicaid or other insurance companies. If you listen to the experts by experience (people like me) you will hear over and over again that their healing journey led them to the awakening of themselves in a spiritual sense. Let’s put our preconceived notions of God, religion and spirituality aside for a moment. Spirituality is the retrieval of one’s self. The self that gets buried under years of conditioning, trauma, oppression and ego. Spirituality or the lack of it draws a drastic line in the sand. If a person is lacking spirituality you might find that person to exhibit suffering in many different ways such as substance abuse, suicidal ideations, eating disorders, self harm, personality disorders, depression and anxiety etc. Symptoms of Spirituality might include, connection to self, inner peace, feelings of joy and wholeness, alignment with values, clear understanding of purpose and calling in life, a sense of interconnectedness, ability to withstand discomfort, and emotional intelligence. Connecting a person to spirituality is the most expedient way to heal a person and yet spirituality was divorced from the system along with religion. With that action we have sent the message that healing must be done through the measure of intellect. That is extremely insufficient and plainly ineffective.

It’s important for us to have connection, it’s important to have choice and to determine our own pathway to healing. Spirituality is highly individual and people must be allowed to find their own spiritual language, given in a tongue they can understand. For me it’s a combination of yoga, cognitive coping skills, sweats, meditation, crystals, writing and belonging to a collective of like minded people. I have a community, I have a tribe.

We were all once tribes of men and with it we made incredible advancements as mankind. Our error was that we tried to do away with diversity and became rigid in our thinking, resistant to any other ways of doing things. Over time we have forgotten about our heritage of tribes and communities, we have become so individual that we are weakened and sick. We are plagued by ego. We are truly malnourished spiritually. If we do not start healing each other, with each other, we will witness the descent of man. We will fall from the heights we rose so very rapidly and with terrifying calamity.

You know even the conglomerate SAMSHSA, Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Administration even recognizes the importance of Spirituality in the framework of healing and yet it is largely missing from the landscape of best practices and evidence based approaches. Community, home, purpose, hope among the buzzwords of the industry. SAMHSA says in order to be well a person must be well in 8 dimensions. Wellness of ourselves physically, socially, mentally, emotionally, financially, intellectually, occupationally, spiritually and environmentally. Within the current social construct wellness in all dimensions is very difficult for the majority of the population to achieve. It costs money to be well and systems make money when we stay unwell. Medical necessity creates a necessity of illness. Professionals and businesses get paid for ill patients not well ones. Yet we scratch our collective head and wonder why suicide rates and school shootings are on the rise, why diagnosis of mental illness and disease are on the rise? It’s because we don’t value wellness. We don’t value home, community and hope.

As it stands now, I spend more time at work than I do at home. Americans like to be industrious, but is this mindset working for us anymore? How eye-opening this experience has been. How tragic at the same time. I have learned in my seclusion and forced pause that the home is where we’ve been missing from at large. We can’t afford to be at home. We can’t afford to have connections with our families, to have meaningful time together, and we are just bombarded with constant distractions to deter us from making a connection with ourselves this creating a barrier to spirituality keeping healing out of reach. The true power of the people lies within the people. People who are connected to themselves, their families and communities. People who inspire each other and provide hope to one another. That is when change can happen. When we connect within and then reach out.

We have severed connections. We have severed connections in the home, severed connections with the spirit, severed connections with our physical bodies. It’s outrageous to me that the governing systems of our lives that boast the importance of wellness are also part of the problem. The lifestyle that is forced upon us all, is what is killing us all. Beyond politics, systems and government we are humans first. Humans are meant to be placed first. What we need to heal should be given and systems should be supportive and designed around the concept of wellness in 8 dimensions. With equanimity of each dimension.

I do not want to return to cramming my relationship with my family into the weekend. It has been refreshing to be able to have time to be a participant of all dimensions of my life these last few weeks. Being able to work, care for not only my needs as an individual, but the needs of my family. There is so much wasted time in our current life structure of the 40 hour work week. That time can be maximized to enrich our lives if only the people in charge could see that individual wellness contributes to the productivity and overall health of the community. Being able to become masters of our own time and schedule to manage our lives in a way so that we can have time to search ourselves, time to devote to each dimension of wellness in our lives. A soul requires time for reflection. Time to connect creatively, to have an understanding of self through discovery. Just as much as it is important for us to be intellectual, it is just as important to be emotionally intelligent, connected to the body and spirit. This is what it means to be spiritual, the care of self in all aspects. When we are nourished we are happy. Happiness is the byproduct of Spirituality. Therefore spirituality is the new happiness.

It’s time for a serious undoing. A complete shift in the way that we approach living and working as people. Going through this has shown how interconnected we all are. We all depend on the health and well being of each other to make it through the worst of times.

Our planet and all of its creation need us to heal. The same steps apply to heal a family that apply to heal a community, to heal a country, to heal a nation and to heal a world. It all starts with healing the person. We are all one or none. Wake up. Choose awareness and have the courage to see what is begging to be witnessed a shift in perspective will change this world. First we must heal, connect and then demand that people and their wellness be put first. This is my Manifesto. A call to all mankind for man was intended to know joy. You were meant for happiness.

Written by Mya Boren

I found myself on Wednesday full of anxiety, overwhelmed, on the verge of panic, stuck in a gut wrenching state most of the day. I kept thinking to myself, “Where are your skills woman?” Resisting the feeling of falling down. As I laid in bed that night, mind racing, I finally recognized, “Oh girl you just had a battle of willfulness, and that feeling of falling is an urge for you to surrender.” My anxiety and panic manifesting as my will to resist my reality and my attempt to force an outcome. My will or ego is what injured me the most. I had to surrender my will. Surrendering for me is to come back to the moment, so I did a meditation before bed, I prayed for the highest good and relinquished my tight grasp on what I thought would be best and reminded myself everything will happen exactly as it should and that I will find peace no matter what in the outcome, because peace is my perception of the moment. This is an example of willingness vs. willfulness one of my favorite Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills (DBT). Afterwards I slept so well. Woke up feeling good and the thing I was so stressed about? Worked out beautifully. Thanks Universe you really do have my back! 

I have found through a deep search of my own soul that suffering is part of the human condition and is an integral part of what leads us to purpose and meaning. I believe that our ego is suffering and is always trying to take control. It can manifest as our willful nature to see things go our way, it is ignorance, it inferiority and superiority. Most of us only identify with ourselves as our ego, totally disconnected from our spirit. Our spirit is unmarked, joyful and exists as the eternal observer. We were meant to have contact with that, living in the joyous baseline of our own spirit. That is what I mean when I say you were meant for happiness. I know this because through my own search for myself I have uncovered my spirit–My baseline of joy. 

My ego will always be with me and thus, I will always know suffering in some way. I have learned how to mute ego, identify ego and distract ego so that I can resume my birthright of inner peace, that is until ego rears its head again, masked in yet another clever disguise. To return to happiness is perceiving happiness and depression differently. I don’t think of happiness and depression as being either/or I think of them as both/and. We are meant for happiness, happiness and joy are our baseline, however happiness cannot exist without suffering. My quest is to help people see that this polarity exists in us all and to befriend the dark, the shadow of ourselves. Clinging desperately to light at all times is not sustainable .

To befriend darkness is to recognize it as a catalyst for happiness not an agitator. Suffering isn’t our enemy, our response to it is.

Isn’t it strange how light can fit anywhere?

It was a sunny day. A single ray of light burst through the space between the weathered wood that dutifully made up the walls of the shed. I stood inside the shed not sure why I was there, but certain I was to remain there. The squeak of a well worn swing rythymically sounding off in the distance, I inched closer and peered through the opening between the wood. My older sister leaning up against the swing set talking with the other neighborhood kids while my older brother feverishly pumped his legs on the swing. I wasn’t alone in the shed, this memory has always had a presence. A boy without a face, naked together we were being instructed to do sexual things with one another. The orchestrator another faceless person. This is the dawn of conscious thought for me. I was two years old. From that moment on I carried with me guilt that I must have somehow instigated it, wanted that to happen. It never occurred to me to tell anyone. For many years this memory seemed more dreamlike than real. Deep within me shame gained a strong foot hold. The first time I told anyone was in a Grief and Loss workshop a few years ago.

I spent years struggling with feeling worthy, pure and loveable. Afraid if people knew my deepest darkest secret they would for sure abandon me and rightly so. I was a monster.

Skip to my early 20’s I gravitated towards anyone who might love me. I met a young man that I thought would love me forever. Things progressed rather quickly, naturally. We were to be married in his home country of Argentina. We barely spoke each other’s language. He invited me to come and spend some time in California where he was working. The plan was once work was completed there we would go to Argentina to be married. Once in California that man I knew for a few months was completely different. I was isolated, he did not speak much to me and any conversations around me were in another language. This was before everyone owned a cell phone. There were no phones to use. He began to rape me repeatedly over the course of a week. I managed to facilitate an escape. Once home I did not report it. I thought that nobody would believe me since he was my boyfriend and I had consented before. I also thought that I should have said “no” more forcibly, maybe he didn’t understand me. I should have fought him harder. I should have known better than to go with someone I didn’t really know. I could have done more. It was my fault. Later a friend of mine ran into my ex boyfriend, he and his friends gang raped her. She did report it but evidence was destroyed because she took a shower. Nothing was ever done. I felt even more guilt because I should have said something…once again there was something destructive about being me.

Fast forward to 27 years old, things were starting to lift a bit. I was married. My husband and I came through a near divorce and were doing better than ever. I had a beautiful son. I had a job in a treatment center for substance abuse which I recieved healing by proxy. One saturday my older brother and my family and a friend decided to go on a day hike. It was a hot day in mid July. The hike did not go as planned, the trail was in horrible condition. What should have only taken only a few hours, we had spent the entire day hiking never reaching the destination. While arguing with the husband about whether or not we should press on my brother said he wanted to go back to the truck and would meet us there. 15 minutes later the rest of us decided to call it quits as well. My brother never made it to the truck and was found dead in the woods three days later. I felt so guilty that I let him go alone, I should have went with him. He might not have died if I was there. I abandoned my brother and he died alone.

If you would have asked me if I believed in God I would have told you, “it’s complicated.” I don’t think I ever really knew spirituality to begin with. I pictured God to be a being on a cloud, vigilant to and keeping record of every sin, punishing the wicked, dealing out doses of suffering to make people stronger or to test their faith through circumstance. When I lost my brother I was done with this God. Believing that it meant that I was done with faith and spiritual belief of any kind.

This is the point that my spirit dipped so low. Thoughts of suicide. Feeling like my existence burdened others. Thinking that my husband and child would be better off without me. I was the problem and the solution was to end myself.

Sometimes the smallest glimmer of light is the most glorious. For me The book The Shack was a small flicker of light, telling me that the darkness was temporary.

The thought occured to me that even though I didn’t feel the presence of a higher power that didn’t mean that I was forsaken, the thought that God was within enduring everything I endured was powerful. An insight, a healing ray of light finding its way into the dark place. That was the very beginning of my spiritual reclamation.

Have you ever watched a sunrise and noticed that light does not come all at once? The splendor of light is born one ray at a time. Each ray outstretching the other traveling quickly to pull up the sun. This stunning spectacle of dawn that occurs every day is a reminder that change and healing come in a little at a time.

Healing is much like a sunrise. It’s the sunrise of consciousness. Little ray’s of awareness, one by one, insight by insight, a soul rises to illumination. Inspiration dawning within, shining upon the spirit giving unto it the gift of growth, healing and flight. Imagine that within you is the world. Each day the sun rises and gives light, your job is to maximize the benefit of the day and heal, restore and grow internal landscapes. Using your spirit, your mind and body to take action on the inspiration gifted to you each day.

Through individual healing we each become a ray of light. Everyone an individual light beam of inspiration collectively giving light to our external world. Enlightenment is when we join the sunrise of oneness.

“The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don’t wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy.”

Thich Nhat Hahn

A profound and changing insight. That happiness runs perpendicular to suffering. Thich Nhat Hahn explains that we all know suffering, what we must know is how to suffer well. This my friends is a superior lifehack on happiness. Last year I found my life abruptly flipped upside down, it was not the first time and it will not be the last. I have learned to accept and expect this part of life, life happens, crisis is never scheduled. The difference between all the other events of turmoil and this last event was that instead of throwing my hands in the air and getting lost in the chaos, I stuck to my daily wellness routine and signed up for a Yoga Teacher Training. It gave me something good to hold on to and something to look forward to. It is because of this active planning for happiness amidst turmoil that I pulled through, arriving on the other side of the crisis calm and seemingly unstruck.

This was not how I operated during past upheavals. I would have submitted to the havoc and emotional distress. Routine and self-care no longer priority. Letting go of the very habits that contributed the most to my ongoing wellness. The best thing for us to do is develop a daily routine of wellness. My daily routine of wellness consists of yoga, mindfulness, tea, writing and reading inspirational texts, listening to music and sleeping a full 8 hours every night. Now when disaster strikes it is my wellness routine that I lean on, it is my peace within discomfort.

Our society has fanned the flames of drama, hysteria and emotional dysregulation, so much so that we often read people’s response to a crisis or lack thereof as a measurable outcome of authenticity and decency. Judging and criticizing another person if we do not deem them to be sufficiently miserable.

The larger issue here is that it puts us into a tradition of keeping ahold of suffering thinking it will in the end provide comfort if we carry it into each and every day, keeping vigil and post on misery. The reason so many people get lost in suffering is that they keep suffering and happiness separated. I love the concept of a picnic (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy concept, Marsha Linehan.) Finding peace within discomfort is accepting the wind and the ants on the blanket along with the beautiful view, delicious food and delightful company.

The truth is emotional dysregulation and stressing about the outcome will never help you transport yourself to a better tomorrow. It is only in the adoption of acceptance in the moment that will transform your misery to peace. Acceptance of laughter, pain, joy, sadness, acceptance of it all, all at once. Feeling the whole self in every moment.

So go today and start a routine of wellness if you haven’t already. It doesn’t have to be extravagant it can be as simple as grounding yourself with a breathing practice, whatever it is be ritualistic about it. Wellness is a habit. Until next time be well and suffer well.

This is a blog about wellness and healing.

As a person who has experienced suffering in the form of mental and emotional anguish I am aware of the complete eclipse of self that can occur as a result of years of anxiety and depression. The last 5 years I have been on a journey of healing and self-inquiry. This blog is about the journey of healing and beyond.

I am passionate about healing and hope to inspire healing in others through the medium of the written word. Why should we embrace healing? Because healing is a superpower and healing individually will change the world.

Do I know anything about writing a blog? No. Am I going to do it afraid? Yes. With that said I am excited to take this next step on my path of purpose and passion. I look forward to connecting with all of you who are taking that brave and vulnerable step into the healing arena.